To Where You Are
by vampire865
Summary: Brennan's in so much pain after Booth's death. She finds her gun and holds it in her hands. Will she use it or not?
1. Chapter 1

**Bones songfic. Bones is not owned by me (although if it was I'd change a lot of things so it would be a B&B but...) and this songfic is sort of sad so don't read if you don't want to cry, although I don't THINK you will... but then again... **

**Anyways, the song is To Where You Are by Josh Groban (he's so adorable lol yes fan-girl here haha). The story takes place after Booth's "death" and it's placed in Brennan's apartment, although you can tell from the story... shutting up now. Enjoy the story. (The lyrics are bold)'**

**--**

Brennan looked out the window of her apartment. Tears stained her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy, overflowing with tears. It was dark outside, save for one or two street lights, when it started raining. It was as if the heavens were crying with her. She thought this, even though she didn't believe in heaven and knew that the sky couldn't cry.

It had been a week after Booth's death and Brennan was still torn to pieces. The night Booth had been shot, she didn't sleep. She kept telling herself that it wasn't her fault, that it was that _bitch's_ fault that Booth was dead. And yet, she still blamed herself. She thought that it should have been her that was killed. The bullet _was_ meant for her. She let out a whimper of pain as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

Everywhere she turned she saw Booth's face. She kept looking forward to seeing his smile at work. When she got there, her hopes of seeing him shattered worse and worse with each passing day, and her heart broke into more pieces than it had the day before. Her soul had been shattered to the point of no return.

She saw it in her friends that they hurt as well. They all got time off at work. Everyone took it... except Brennan. She had to work to keep her mind off that dreadful night and to keep herself away from that sadness that made her throat close and her gut tighten in anger and hatred for the _bitch_ stalker. Booth just _had_ to be the good guy. _Couldn't he be evil for once?_ She asked herself. _Maybe he would still be alive_.

All around her house and the Jeffersonian she saw him standing there. She imagined him correcting her on some metaphor that she tried to use and used wrong or helping her understand one she didn't understand. A new wave of tears fell down her cheeks.

Brennan's heart was broken. He had gotten inside her shell that was her barrier to her soul, the barrier that protected her from this kind of pain. He had broken in and made a home for himself in her heart. And, after touching her life, he had gone away forever. She cried every night. She never got much sleep, and it showed. There were bags under her eyes that were as dark as the shadows in her heart. She'd loved him, and she knew he loved her by the way he always he always had to protect her.

She walked over to the couch, holding her sides and hoping that she wouldn't split apart from sorrow, although it was impossible for that to happen, and she knew it. She sat down, put her head in her hands, laid down, and curled up into a ball, crying hysterically. _Why, oh, why did you have to leave?_ she asked no one in particular.

She groaned, got up, and walked into her bedroom. After searching her drawers, she finally found what she was looking for. She cradled the gun in her hands as she sat back down on her couch.

She stared at the gun for a while, twisting it in her hands, checking to see if it was loaded, which it was, and stretched her finger over the trigger. Finally, she put the gun to her temple, clicking the gun off safety. Tears rolled down her cheeks. _I'm finally going to be with you, wherever you are. I'll finally be in your arms, even if it's in death._

She loved Booth. She couldn't go on living without him by her side. She had tried compartmentalizing his death. She tried and failed. She blamed herself for his death. Her heart was broken. There was so much pain. When she was holding him, after the shooting, she felt tears stinging her eyes but refused to let them fall until she got home. She was in so much pain that many times she had attempted to kill herself but didn't have the heart. Now, sitting alone, she thought, _Who would care if I died? Nobody needs me._ She cocked the gun and squeezed her finger harder on the trigger,

_No,_ she thought. _The dead need me. The bodies that come into the lab need me. The people that need to be avenged need me. The Jeffersonian needs me. My family needs me. My family, what little I have, needs me. Angela, Hodgins, Zach, Cam... they all need me to be alive. I can't leave them, not when they're in pain. It would be too unbearable for them. I have to live, if only for them._

Brennan clicked the safety back on her gun and put it back in her drawer, locked in. She looked out of the window and saw the sun coming up over the horizon. She walked into the bathroom, getting ready for another painful day.

**--**

**This story was made out of a little bit of experience and a little bit of imagination. :D I hope you all liked it. There were many ways that I could have gone with this. I could have made it so that she actually _did_ shoot herself or Angela came in and saw Brennan with the gun to her head or... many others that evade my mind right now. ...If only Sweets had seen Brennan do this. He wouldn't be so quick to hold information that Booth was alive next time. Haha! Please reply and tell me what you think. Replies are demanded! Another Bones fanfic on the way and a Max Ride ****fanfic. Laters!**

**UPDATE (2-16-10) This seems a lot shorter without the lyrics. took them out so i wouldn't get story deleted or account suspended due to terms of service violation. re-read it today. beware. ff is starting to crack down hard on that. Again: To Where You Are - Josh Groban. I recommend it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the next chapter of the story ****To Where You Are**** of course. I hadn't really planned on making another chapter but I got this idea from someone else and I thought that it would be fun. So, here goes nothin'.**

**--**

Brennan walked out of Booth's bathroom, anger welling up inside of her. _Why didn't he tell me? I could have killed myself!_ A tear rolled down her face and many more followed. She halted by the door, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down. After getting herself under control, Brennan reached for the handle and stopped when she heard the bathroom door open.

"Bones, wait up a sec," she heard Booth say. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to, but you know I couldn't."

Brennan stood still, listening only partly to what was being said.

"Please, Bones. I'm sorry," Booth said a pleading note in his voice. "Please, look at me."

Tears rolling down her cheeks, Brennan turned to face him.

Booth gasped. "Bones, I'm so, so sorry. Please don't be angry.

"You have no idea what I felt," Brennan said, her voice cold. "I didn't feel anything but sorrow and pain."

"Bones…" he started to say but was silenced by the cold glint in his partner's eyes.

"A week after you had 'died'," she said, using her fingers for the quote marks, "I was in my apartment, staring out the window, crying my eyes out. I was in so much pain." The tears that had stopped coming when he had asked for forgiveness started to flow again. "I went into my room and got my gun. I sat on the couch, gun to my temple with the safety off, and my finger was on the trigger, ready to squeeze." She paused.

"Bones!" Booth said with and exasperated look. "Why did you…" Again, he was silenced.

Her face hardened again. "The _only_ thing that stopped me from pulling the trigger was knowing that people needed me. I blamed myself for your death to the point of it becoming unbearable. I saw you everywhere, even though I knew it was impossible. I wanted all the pain to go away." A single tear escaped and slid down her cheek. Unknowingly, Brennan had closed her eyes and felt his hand come to rest on her cheek, wiping away the tear.

"Bones, I'm so sorry," he said, and kissed her forehead. Brennan wept silently into his shirt as he said, "I'm going to _kill_ Sweets!"

"Why?" she asked, although she already had an idea of why.

"He was the one in charge of telling my family and friends that I was alive."

Brennan nodded into his shirt. "Let me join in though, please?" she asked and laughed surprisingly.

Booth laughed with her and said, "Will do."

--

Later, at the Jeffersonian, Booth yelled at Sweets.

"You idiot. Why didn't you tell anyone I was alive?" Booth asked Sweets, almost yelling.

Sweets looked at Brennan to see her eyes cold.

"She almost _killed_ herself, Sweets!" Booth said, exasperated.

Brennan was looking down when she heard Sweets ask, "Is this true?" All she could do was nod. She saw him stumble backwards.

"I… I thought… I though you could handle it," Sweets stuttered.

Brennan glared at him. "Oh, yeah? And what about Angela or Hodgins or Zach? They were all in as much pain as me. Don't _ever_ do that again." By the end her voice was dripping with hatred.

She turned around and started walking away when she heard him ask, "So, what stopped you?"

Brennan paused for a second before simply saying, "My friends," and walking away.

"I should kill you. Right here, right now," Booth said, seething, and he, too, walked away.

"We're having a session about this later," Sweets called after him, and Booth waved him off.

--

Brennan was in her office, laying on her couch, eyes closed, when she heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, Bren. You awake?" It was Angela.

"Yeah," Brennan said, opening her eyes but not getting up.

"Did I just hear correctly? You almost killed yourself?" Angela asked, concern and fear in her voice.

"Please, don't make me go through that again," Brennan said pleadingly.

"Yes or no, Bren," Angela said, getting annoyed with her friend.

"Yes, okay," Brennan said getting up.

She felt a warm body slam into hers, arms around her back, tears soaking through her shirt. Brennan held her best friend until Angela's tears stopped.

"What would I ever do without you, sweetie? How… What made you even think of doing that?"

Brennan looked away and said, "The pain." A single tear escaped and slid down her cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Angela hugged her again and asked, "Why didn't you?"

"You need me," Brennan said with a smile.

Brennan heard someone clear their throat at the door and looked over to see Booth.

"Excuse me, Angela. Could Bones and I speak in private for a moment?" Booth asked kindly.

Angela smile and Brennan and said, "I'll see you in a bit."

Brennan nodded. After Angela had left, Booth shut the door and Brennan asked, "So, what's this about?"

"You're evil. You know that," Booth said with and smile.

"And, why is that?"

"You almost killed yourself. Now Sweets wants to have a meeting." They both groaned at the same time.

"Great," Brennan said sarcastically.

Booth asked more quietly, "What made you even _think_ about killing yourself?"

_It _had_ to come back to this,_ she thought. "I couldn't live without you Booth," she whispered, looking away. "I kept thinking that it should have been me that was shot. The bullet _was_ meant for me."

"Yes, but I'd gladly take a bullet for you any time, if it meant you get to live at least one more day. Please, don't ever try that again. I love you too much to lose you."

Brennan was surprised at first but then she smiled. "I love you too, Booth. That's why I couldn't bear to live without you."

Booth strode over and kissed Brennan. Astonished at first, Brennan just stood there, but then returned the favor. They broke apart after a while and smiled into each other's faces.

"We really should get back to the case," Brennan said.

"After you," he said, and held the door open.

Brennan mock glared at him and said, "I can open doors for myself," and they both laughed.

"So, what have we got," Booth asked when they got to the table and the case was underway again.

**--**

**I'm not sure if this is the last chapter or not, but I think so, so I'm making the story say complete although I'm not positive that it is. Sigh Time to stop rambling. I hope everyone liked it. Reviews are demanded from anyone. Constructive criticism is needed. Thanks! **


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